Infinite Loop - Chapter 39

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Chapter 39

Amber cocked her head in surprise when he brought it again. For some reason, Amber never paid attention to the social consequences of the tattoo until the first time he mentioned it. After that, she tried to hide it. Nothing in her memories told her the reason for the tattoo.

“Alright, I’ll accept some of what you’re telling me,” she sighed. “Still, we’re alive and you can’t convince me otherwise. I know this in my heart. I feel things, I can touch things, smell the rose if I want. Anything like a purgatory would mean I’m dead and I’m not.”

Warren’s expression dropped and he hesitated. Finally, he slowly nodded to himself.

“Alright, I told you what I would say sounds crazy. Now, I guess it’s time to let the other shoe drop. You told me about how you dreamed your death. Do you remember how you felt?”

Amber felt a chill run down her spine. She nodded.

“I have seen that and more,” he confided. “Maybe you won’t go through what I did. I truly hope that’s the case. You see, every time I wake up after death in this purgatory world, I’m inside a different body. I’ve died a miserable death at least five times that I can recall.”

Warren watched her carefully as Amber brought her hand to her mouth. For a moment, she looked like she wanted to stifle a cry.

“Let me explain,” he calmly told her.

Warren went on to explain his thoughts on the cycle of death and rebirth. As he spoke, he noticed the excitement in her voice. It was a relief to tell someone all of what he understood.

“Maybe I’m totally off my rocker, but I swear to anything holy what I’m telling you is the God’s truth.”

Warren lowered his voice again.

“Seriously, this place became an infinite loop for me,” he stated flatly. “The world around me is new each time. New people, new settings, and I have to learn as I go. I make a mistake and, boom, there I am reawakening in a new setting with a new body and new characters to deal with.”

He leaned back in his seat as he recalled the pain and turmoil.

“It could be hell for all I know,” he muttered.

“What do you mean?” Amber’s tone grew cold.

She felt something familiar about what he said. However, her brain resisted the hideous idea. She noticed his gaze at the rain outside. His dejected expression took over from his excitement a moment ago.

“Look, I’ve finally remembered enough about my real past,” he confessed as he stared outside. “My life sucked. I was a self-indulgent asshole. I was up to my neck in hock with my wife and two kids who probably didn’t bother to show up at my funeral. On top of that, I had a secretary I only kept with the company, so she could be my mistress.”

He glanced over to see that he dropped a few pegs on her chart by her expression. Warren shrugged and gave her a half-hearted grin.

“I’ve never found anyone worse than me but some of my friends were close to it. Anyway, I’ve been a rotten person much of my life. That’s why I can’t imagine me going to any sort of heaven with such black spots on my soul. But that doesn’t mean others are in the same boat. Nobody said angels and devils don’t walk among us.”

Amber remained quiet as she reflected on his story. The sadness and guilt in his confession told her more than she expected. She wasn’t sure how to take it.

“Back to the story,” his voice interrupted her thoughts. “I think the idea here is to live past the end of the story. In a strange way, it makes sense to me. You see, I’m paying for my past by reliving my mistakes and, maybe, I’m learning from them.”

His grin returned. Amber noticed how he forced himself to remain upbeat.

“The first time I awoke, I was in a jungle down in Panama and never made it past day one. Just so happened, I was killed by my cheating wife and one of her lovers.”

He took a sip of coffee, and it was cold. He looked at Amber. His expression showed he wanted her to understand.

“Do you see what I’m getting at? I woke up and I was on the other side of the coin. That is why I believe I was getting a little bit of payback. It’s too much to call it a coincidence.”

Amber didn’t know how to respond. It was so fantastic and unbelievable. She felt a screaming urge to call the authorities and have Warren locked away. Still, she felt the connection he spoke about and her attempts to make sense of things. Amber steadily recognized more of the names and faces of the people and places inside her dreams and nightmares. Nothing matched the current world which left her confused.

“I can’t believe you were that bad.” Amber felt the urge to know more about him. She felt a growing fondness for Warren. Yet, his description of his appalling past and her confusion about everything around her only made her more distrustful. It also frightened her.

“I don’t understand what you’re telling me. Is it just endless cycles where we are just supposed to die and relive everything that hurt us from our past?”

“Amber, I can’t look at the inside of your soul. I can only tell you what I’ve gone through,” he said softly. “I’m not saying you’ll have the same problems. In fact, I think you’re in better shape.”

“What do you mean?”

He paused while he mulled over how to explain.

“Tell me, if you were in my shoes, what would you try to do?”

Amber’s eyes widened. Got off-guard by the question, she leaned back in her seat. After a moment, she answered.

“I would run away. Just like we did when we went to New Hampshire. I would lead my own life, without worrying about it.”

A smirk appeared on his face.

“You’re correct. Now let me tell you about the time I tried to get away before. I was so tired of feeling like I could never get through this. So, I grabbed a car, and I drove all night. I had to get away from the men chasing me. It’s a long story but they would kill me if I got caught. Believe it or not, I escaped them. Wound up in a town called Realito. I’m smugly I was thinking I had beaten this whole thing. Then, the car tire blows out, and I’m toast a minute later. I woke up in another body in another place.”

He saw her visibly deflate at his words.

“Hold up, don’t get caught in hopelessness. I’ll tell you one more thing,” he said mildly as he reached over and touched her hand. “The good news is there’s something I’ve not told you yet. It’s hard to explain and as crazy as the other stuff but bear with me.”

She looked at her hand, but she didn’t pull away.

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